Confessions of an Amazon

I get asked a great deal. 

What is your favorite sexual position? 

My auto response is always “reverse cowgirl”. I love love love love reverse cowgirl, it always comes through. (pun intended) It didn’t matter if I was having sex with a shitty partner, as soon as I threw it into Reverse Cowgirl it felt like magic between my legs. 

I remember the first time I had an orgasm with penetration. I was having sex with my ex Glasses. Glasses took me to a bed and breakfast for a weekend of Romancing or something like that. He even got a place with two beds, it was all very sweet (at the time). 

Anyway, that night we decided to watch a movie. If you’ve ever invited someone over to watch a movie, you know what happens.

[oh this is such a great fucking movie, where did this cold draft come from? Let’s get a blanket. Oh no! My hands need your thighs to keep warm! Better yet, let me grab your tit for warmth. Hold on my mouth needs your tit. Oh No! My hand needs your vagina. I have Hypothermia!]

We started watching the movie and than started fooling around under the covers, like ya do. He was on top of me hard cocked, tit in his hand when I decided maybe we should go back to the bedroom. So he follows me back there. The one good thing about Glasses is that he was a gentle lover. He never once forced me to do anything or did things without consulting me first. 

He slowly undressed me, studying my body as he took off each article of clothing, tracing my curves with his fingertips. I guess it makes me pretty vain, but I love it when men study my body. It’s really a great turn on and a sure way to make me nervous/blush. When I was down to just my panties I laid on the bed, I remember the mattress being so soft conforming to my hips. By this time he already disrobed completely. Glasses straddled my legs, he had the softest kisses, planting small delicate ones down my body making me squirm with delight. 

The one thing that LastBoyfriend couldn’t do, Glasses would run laps around him. Someone trained him well. His face is buried in my crotchal area and my legs can’t seem to stay still. My back is arched so high that my neck is forcing my eyes to the ceiling and sounds are coming out of my mouth I definitely do not recognize. I take a deep breath in and when I exhale I feel a cold wash go over my body in tiny waves of joy.
Even though I just had a monster orgasm, I was ready for round two.

DING! DING!

I commanded him to lie back and let me get on top. He smirked, he knew what was about to happen. I think in a past life I was a bull rider, really all it takes is 8 seconds. Of course no one wants sex to last 8 seconds, I try my best to make it last. It’s not my fault they cum quickly. 

I’m riding him and my main goal is to get him off. I’m not thinking about myself at all, mainly concerned that he has an orgasm. He’s making that wincing face and I realize he’s about to cum, so I slow down. I’m to take my time people. After he begs a little then I speed up again, but something is different. I feel this happy tingle and I go even faster. OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! Then like the end of a perfectly orchestrated symphony we both cum. 

If you could have seen the look on my face, somewhere in between confused and happy; as if it said “I just came?”.  

I’d never had it happen to me before then, NEVER. I didn’t quite understand it, I still don’t to be honest. Most men try to get me off, but fail. Occasionally I’ll have to fake it, which I’m good at/hate. I’ve had enough orgasms to know how to fake it really really well. That’s probably why I like guys going down on me, it’s almost guaranteed to happen. 

Glasses was a lot of things, good in bed, romantic. You’re probably thinking “why didn’t it work out?”. Why? Well because he was obsessed with me, I’m sorry I meant OBSESSED with me. He wanted to marry me after 3 months of dating and bare children and settle down and meet his parents and all kinds of crazy shit. He used to leave me the most fucked up voice mails about how he used to jack off into the pillows that still smelled like me. *shudder* 

He has a new girlfriend now and from what I’m told he’s very happy. Still not married, but it’s only a matter of time. 

-Amazon

btw check out my Twitter: Tweets4AnAmazon and my links page Finds From Amazonia. ;)

I wonder sometimes if people who read this wonder what I look like…

My first initial thought is “who gives a fuck?” right?

Then again, if I were a 300 pound balding 20 something with a beer habit, stoma and a cigarette mouth no one would continue reading.

How important is it for the person you’re fucking to be good looking? Does every person you fuck have to meet the same standards as the people you commit to? Are your fuck buddies really the people you want to date, but you just settle for fucking?

I personally do not hold the people I’m fucking to a lower or higher standard. Everyone I meet (with the exception of the creepy/committed/asshole set) is a potential boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck buddy.  Most of the time I’m a snarky asshole and that seems to work for me, I never play dumb or act like I’m stupid. I really don’t believe in that shit. I don’t have time to put on an act every time I see that person. ah whatever works.

If you look at all the men/women I’ve ever fucked none of them make sense together. You could not gather a type or figure what dudes I’d be into based on the list. No fucking way. If you say you can, shut the fuck up.

I did make up a new dating rule though, a 3 month rule. You must wait 3 months upon getting to know me before you can fuck me. I know this rule sounds really harsh especially to today’s/my standard of inner course. Really it’s a fake rule, I use the rule as a scare tactic to see if they really want to be with me. If they seem like they only want to fuck me and not forge some type of bond first then I will bust out the 3 month rule and blow their fucking mind. If they look sincere and really want to get to know me then I will not mention it at all.

It seems like I can’t date.

AT ALL.

If I ever try to date anyone all they want to do is fuck on date two. Shit can we find out if we’re even sexually compatible first. What if during this date two sex he decides to choke me out because that’s what gets him off? News flash cadets, I fucking hate that shit and I’d be ready to punch his lights out. Like on the real, murder him. I want to avoid things like this. Even when I pick someone up to fuck in a bar we talk about that shit before we hit the sheets. What we’re going to do, how hard we’re going to do it. Even if it’s something we didn’t discuss they will ask you first. It’s usually some creepy shit like “can I lick your toes and put my jizz on your nape?” and then I’ll say something like “uh…no. But you can put your dick in me.” this is always a better alternative.

For the record I am not ugly, according to men/women I’m “hot”. Tell your friends.

-Amazon

FUCK YAH 17 FOLLOWERS!

I’ve been on dating sites lately trying to change my whorish ways and maybe figure out someone to well fall in love spend time with. 

I did find a pretty good start, I’ll call it a start. He and I talked for 7 hours via chat then by telephone. He has a pleasant speaking voice and he’s probably the first male I’ve ever talked to that kind of intimidated me. He was very sure of himself, but not in a cocky-fuck-you-I-know-everything sort of way. I think he’s better than most because he’s not straight. He’s bisexual like me and he completely understands my bisexual dating plight. It’s so refreshing to not have to figure out how to tell him or worry if its a turn off or worry if he’s the jealous type or worry he might want a threesome with his neighbors cousins toothless girlfriend. 

His voice has this beautiful velvet, shaved legs under a blanket softness. He was just talking to me, but I got so wet on the phone. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know if anything will happen between us and I don’t want to put all my eggs in my proverbial basket just yet, I just want something good to happen to me.

Something actually good damnit. 

Plus lately I’ve been a lot lonelier than I’ve been letting on. Keeping up appearances is something I’ve done since I was a child, I’m unamusingly good at it. I just want a reason to be happy besides just waking up and living. 

My date is Friday, wish me luck.

In other news, I don’t have shit to wear. 

-Amazon

This is happening hopefully soon. 

click the photo for a surprise ;D

(Source: afewscars, via fuckyeahsexysex)

I should have done this months ago. 

Most men (70%) have no idea what to do to get a woman off. Seriously I wish I were fucking kidding, when it comes to cunnilingus they are dumb asses. These are tips and not hard fast rules, so don’t be a fuck face.

• Always ask your lady friend 

Make a point to talk about your sex life if you are dating. Things you like, don’t like, what things you would like to try. It’s important to keep that line of communication open otherwise your relationship suffers for it. 

• Use Google

I swear to fucking god if I have to tell another man to go lower or head north I will loose my mind. If you don’t know where the clit is, go Google that shit. Turn your SafeSearch off and look up “vagina”. They will draw you a picture, literally, the confusion will be over. 

• Go watch lesi’s do it

I hate to break it to you guys, but lesbians will always be better at oral sex than you. Good news, you can learn from them. Go to which ever site you go to and watch lesbian porn. It’s almost guaranteed that they will go down on each other and then the camera will zoom in to show you what they’re doing. I know it will be difficult for you to watch it and refrain from giving yourself a handy j, just resist the urge as long as possible. 

• Apply pressure

Self explanatory I know. Applying enough pressure to lick ice cream off a cone I’d say is the best pressure. Applying enough pressure to lick razor blades off the floor wrong pressure. Enough pressure to enjoy a delicious snow cone, right pressure. Enough pressure to enjoy a poop covered boot, wrong pressure. Are you getting it now? Good. 

• What are you doing with your hands?! 

Now that you’ve watched porn you must think you’re a porn star? Ready to fuck two chicks at once while learning Mandarin and Cisco Networking? Calm down buddy. It’s helpful while you’re eating her out to use your other hand for good and not evil. If you want to give her a screaming back arching orgasm then listen closely scouts. Instead of just stabbing her holes with your pointer and middle finger try placing them in a) the come hither position, palm side up or b) making a ‘U’ motion on the bottom half of her vaginal walls applying pressure to the bottom region. Doing Part B will make her feel full and make what ever your doing to her clit extra magical.

• Switch it up

Varying speeds is great for cars and head. Just like you vary the strokes when you’re giving yourself some good self lovinz, she likes it to. Slowing down your licks or waiting 3 seconds between each one will have her running up the walls. 

• Be Aggressive, B-E Aggressive 

Don’t be a baby-back-bitch put your face in there. If your chin is dry when it’s all said and done, you did something wrong my friend. Nom nom on that shit like it’s the last ice cream cone on earth and you are the lucky bastard who gets to eat it. 

• Pay attention

Not all women will like it the same way so you’re going to have to multi-task. I know this is “hard” for men to do because of some hormonal balance blah blah blah. You can do it, quit being bitches. If you see her lying there like a limp dick, then you are not doing it right. Prop a pillow under her head, it will help you see what her face is doing. Some women tend to be quiet so the pillow helps so you can get a better read. Moans obviously mean good things, but learn how to read her moans. Some moans mean you need to stop or some moans mean keep fucking going, they are usually accompanied by body movement. When she starts to orgasm, don’t stop. Keep going all the way through the orgasm and instruct her to breathe because chances are she is holding her breath. Doing this will intensify her orgasm by about 50%. When her body looks like an extra on CSI Miami then it is time to stop and get yourself a towel and your lady friend a cool drink. 

• Pre-game

Foreplay is so so so so so fucking important I can not stress it enough. She better be wet before you even get down there. Seriously. 
Make her feel like a goddess, worship her body. Kiss her everywhere, lick through her panties, lightly trace her body with your finger tips, bow down and exalt.  

{I hope this helped, trust me I’m an expert. Not only have I had good head, I’ve given women some pretty great orgasms}

Now you know and knowing is half the battle!

-Amazon

I do apologize for being out of touch the past month and a half. I was not doing my job as a blogger. I have come back with some new information though. When I break ties with people I then am able to blog about them and not feel any guilt or that I’m putting some unnecessary strain on our relationship.

So the guy I mentioned in my last post did not end up working out. Long story short he decided that we were moving “too fast” and he didn’t want to ” cheat me the attention” I was giving. Blah blah blah. We met on a dating site and went on four dates and it never once seemed serious but he claims he just got out of a long relationship, he also deleted his profile. It’s all so lame, good news is I get to tell you about our brief encounter.

So it was date number three I believe, we decided a slumber party of sorts would be fun. If you’ve read my blog before you know this only leads to one thing: Yatezee!

So after we watch one movie downstairs we head upstairs to watch the other one. You know for comforts sake… So we are in bed cuddling watching this movie when I feel his arm wrap tighter around my waist. That is the universal sign for “thunder cats hoo!”. I push my ass closer to his dick, I wanted to know if he was hard yet. Why yes, he was. Full on “howdy ma’am” boner, my first thought was ” how the hell long has he had that boner?” Whatever the answer, it was on. He started kissing my neck gently at first but then he as trying to suck the marrow from my bones. It quickly went from spooning position to him on top of me making out in 3.2 seconds. I could feel his hands shaking as he stroked the side of my body, slipping his hand up my shirt. His hands were cold I remember but I also remember liking it. I pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor as he went for my shirt then my shorts and then my panties flew across the room. He got up from the bed then to grab and condom and remove his remaining layers. I waited watching him trifle through a drawer that had obviously been neglected when finally he found a condom. I’m sure it only took a minute but when you’re horny it’s a lifetime. He got back in bed mounted on top of me and began kissing my neck. I was so distracted by the kissing that I gasped for air when he finally entered me. I forgot how good it felt. He was so gentle until I started talking dirty, lifting my legs in the air heels to Jesus. He went faster playing with me as he thrusted. Then we changed positions, I love being on top. The look on his face said he just had a stroke. I was fucking the shit out of him, I believe he was a bit shocked. He kept saying “you feel SO good”. Oh men. And for the grand finale we switched to doggy style, after about three minutes of that he collapsed on the bed next to me. Alas I had no orgasm, but it doesn’t always happen the first time. Minor Key was a nice guy just one with a lot of baggage. It was disappointing, we never did anything after that. No blow jobs. No under shirt makeout sessions. No nothing.

As much as a boyfriend would be nice right now, I just need new fuck buddies.

Btw I’m forced to blog via my iPhone so forgive any errors you might find.

-Amazon

• Get a job that will allow me to live the life I deserve 
• workout more
• stop stress eating/shopping
• build my beauty inventory 
• do more theatre projects
• take more risks 
• see my friends more
• maintain a healthy relationship with my boyfriend 
• say “no” to my family and “yes” to myself
• get rid of my guilty pleasures and make them just plain pleasures 
• maintain a professional wardrobe daily 
• get rid of all that shit that doesn’t fit anymore
• STAY POSITIVE NO MATTER WHAT
• make room for exercise in my work/school week

It’s been a long long time since I’ve sat at my computer and actually blogged. 

I’ve been a very busy girl. The guy that I mentioned in my last real blog is still in the picture. I refer to him as “my friend”, he is not my boyfriend. We fuck on occasion though. I might have to let him go soon though, he seems to be growing fond of me. It probably has to do with the fact that I found someone outside of my ratio. The ratio or fraction if you will is a scale of attractiveness and desperation. If you find someone with a 40/60 chances are you have a mildly attractive stalker on your hands. If you go with a 60/40 you have a super hot stud who will go away when needed. 60/40s have their own lives, they go out and live damnit. They do not need you to coddle or hold them and they damn sure don’t stalk you. Not that my 40/60 is but he’s getting to the point where it’s annoying. He’s really cool about giving me space but when he’s with me, he’s obsessed with me. 

Not to toot my own horn but I seem to run into this problem a lot. This unsuspecting guy fucks me and now I have a sex crazed tiger on my hands. I like fucking just as much as the next girl but shit there is no need to jerk off in the car to me…with me sitting in the passenger seat…in 5 O’ clock traffic. 

The way I feel about men is the same way I feel about jobs, I’m not going to just go and quit before I have another one lines up. 

I found one that might work but I’ve also run into a slight issue. This guy we’ll call him General Pretty, is single. I have not stolen anyone’s man, but he just got out of a relationship with a girl I just so happen to be friends with. Now we are not besties by any means, but she had befriended me. We had the discussion of her ex and she felt it treason for any of us to even approach him. I don’t often break rules but in this case I will. 

Though I am good looking, I very rarely sleep with anyone that is will “equal or greater” than myself. I never really though about it until someone pointed it out to me. I can’t help it I’m a sucker for a friendly conversation and witty humor. This dude has looks and a brain. He’s having a graduation party tomorrow night and I hope to make that shit happen. Greatest part is none of his ex’s friends will be there. muahahaha perfect. 

I’ll let you know how that goes. 

-Amazon

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Amy Reid & James Deen - Superstars of XXX

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I get irritated when it misses my boobs and lands on my chin.

I keep finding motherfuckers who are heavy cummers.

I feel like this gif, jizz on a loop.

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