I don’t know what the deal is, I wish I fucking did though. Every man that I seem to think is even mildly attractive is a little or in fact gay. Which says a lot about myself really.
Example 1 - My last boyfriend
He seemed like a nice guy, liked to say sweet things like his dead mother and grandmother sent me to him. You know the usual. We had an about average sex life but the entire time we dated he only got me off once. Yes friends one time. The funny thing is we weren’t even fucking. If I recall correctly he was rubbing my pussy…yeah not sex. Anyway, the night in question we were drinking by the fire with his friends and I decided I’d had enough of the cold and I wanted to go to sleep. So I told him I was going to head in, but he could stay outside with his friends.
Of course he kicked all his friends out and headed inside. classy.
So he is on a scale of 1 to Mel Gibson he’s a 9.5 which is a Lindsey Lohan. I’ve known many a man to say the least and none of them no matter the intoxication have always been able to get the job done. Always.
When we get in the bedroom I know why he sent his friends away, to get some. duh. So I strip off my clothes right down to my bra and panties before he even has the door closed behind us.
Not my first rodeo kids.
He immediately waddles toward me with this animal look in his eye, I know this look he wants to pounce on me. The thing is I like to be the one in control plus I’m pretty well sober, I got this. So before he can pounce I drop to my knees and remove is belt with one swift move so swift in fact he almost falls over. He obviously liked this because his pants fell straight to the floor and his dick was saluting me like an army cadet. I grabbed his boxers from the back waist band pulled him down allowing them to rest on his ankles. At this point he did the typical guy shit and started to stroke my hair. [TIP: Don’t stroke our hair or move our heads to get the blow job started. We got it.] I looked up at him and caught his eye contact, he stared so intensely back at me it seemed like he was trying to read my mind. So before he could figure out my next move I put his dick in my mouth. Now this was no ordinary blow job, no, this was a Deluxe Blow J with the wax and wheel detail. I was working that shit so hard, one hand on his balls, one had working his shaft and my mouth moaning and deep throating his cock. Really this blow job was to find out if he had Whiskey Dick [Whiskey Dick: when a man drinks too much and his penis decides to stop functioning for sexual pleasures], but he already got it up so I figured I was in clear three minutes in. After about ten minutes of work he said in a faint voice “I’m gonna come”, so I kept going and like a champ champ I swallowed his huge load. I swear they act like masturbating is out of the question if they’re getting some.
I figure at this point things are only going to escalate into greatness. I position myself on the bed in such a way it must scream “you better fuck me before I change my mind bitch” because he kicks off his boxers and leaps on the bed; ready to devour no doubt. He starts making out with me which I love because he can taste himself, which I think is hilarious. He’s groping at my tits with his free hand trying to make them into play-doh people, he’s drunk remember. Then he starts traveling lower moving his mouth down to suck on my tits then lower to kiss my stomach then even lower to kiss my panties. Jackpot. DING DING DING. He pulls my panties off throwing them at the door, shoving my legs apart and planting his face in my crotch. Normally he sucks ass (no pun intended) at going down on me, but that night holy fucking shit he was good. Normally he never uses enough pressure and forgets I have a clitoris or something. He was doing crazy porn shit, it was so good I had to close my eyes. I was literally 30 seconds from having quite possibly the best orgasm of my life, legs over his shoulders, back arched, seeing cosmic colors in my eyelids when I feel all action stop. My eyes bolted open, what the fuck is going on? I looked down and there like a toddler he was asleep on my inner thigh. So I shook him and called his name, instead of a jolt awake he started to snore.
I lost him, flat line.
The worst part was he was heavy as fuck to move out of way, I just kept shoving him to one side with my feet. More like kicking the shit out of him and hoping he “accidentally” fell off the bed.
The next morning, he greeted me with a cup of coffee. He had no idea what happened the night before, so I obliged him with the information. Ugh.
I realize the following story doesn’t make him gay, but if you met him you would think he was a little gay. With his tight tee shirts and tight pants, gay men checked him out everywhere. ‘Nough said.
I also realize that todays blog was more graphic than usual, I’ve had a mental block as of late so I decided to not hold back. I have nothing to hide.
thanks for reading guys, look for more in the next few days.